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I write (sometimes) about how childhood affects adult relationships, and politics. Mostly I just read. Student of psychology, astrology, and life.

All my articles are in one easy-to-shop place now.

I also have a website with a message board … images from there.

Articles are grouped by subject and easier to find than hunting them up here.


The married guy I loved and let go.

Photo by Sven Brandsma on Unsplash

People often wonder how I could split from my family.

My brother has bawled me out over this more than once.

I get it, I totally get it. From their point of view, you only make a mentally ill mother worse by running out on her. And I can see that — I can.

But, at some point, you have to consider your own needs.

I really didn’t have a family at all.

I started to understand this when I got brave enough to explain my real feelings about a career I felt stuck in. …


We’re really all in the same boat.

Photo by Ashwini Chaudhary on Unsplash

How many times have I heard it?

“We shouldn’t pay people who do unskilled jobs enough to live on.”

I haven’t heard many liberals make this case. Mostly this is a conservative viewpoint, and the arguments for it are few and repetitive.

“It’s just grunt work. It isn’t fair to people who work to ‘better themselves’ if somebody just doing a grunt work job makes as much as they do. These people are just too lazy to ‘better’ themselves!”

(An aside: How, exactly, do we define “better?” Another common way American society defines “better” is by body size, shape, and…


They’re just confused about why.

Photo by History in HD on Unsplash

Thanks to a couple of thoughtful articles on Medium, I have now finally understood why it is that “born-again” Christians are calling Trump “Biblical” and laying hands on him, sure that “God anointed him to be president.” (And I’m quite thankful for the great articles and writers on here, because this was one question that has had me stumped for quite some time.)

Basically, what they’re saying is that, even though Trump says a lot of idiotic things on the world stage, even though he’s clearly a narcissist, even though he implies that neo-Nazis are “decent people,” and even though…


And I can prove it.

Photo by visuals on Unsplash

Once you start writing about and researching affairs, you discover one thing: Contrary to popular belief (no, make that popular prejudice), they are NOT all the same.

Consider the difference between these marriages:

This one, where the two people married with emotional difficulties from childhood. One grew and the other did not. Affairs were a by-product of that growth process until the growing person finally found the strength to leave. Then there’s …

This one, where three women got blindsided by a narcissist. This fellow is the chronic “playa,” the incorrigible liar and user of women. Then there’s …

This


Every case is different.

Photo by Allef Vinicius on Unsplash

Being on here as The Thinking Other Woman, it’s only natural that I get some hate mail.

It’s also only natural that any article about infidelity might come across as judgmental, simply because of the subject matter.

There are so many facets of the affair experience about which to write. Covering them in one article would not result in an article. It would result in a book.

And affairs, by their very nature, always involve some kind of dishonesty, which is never the most desirable state of affairs. So, if you’re going to write about a topic such as, “Should…


That “Mean Girls” culture is bringing everybody down.

Photo by Adam Winger on Unsplash

I work in an animal hospital. Since the nineties, these workplaces are mostly women.

Because of the disparity in education among the workers, they tend to consist of a few leaders who are older and more educated, say, thirty-plus, and then a bunch of other people who are less educated and tend to be mostly in their early twenties.

This kind of age and sex distribution tends to fuel cliques and shunning at work, although, as I’m sure we all know: It can happen anywhere, with anyone.

Example: I was made aware last week that a few of the “old…


A pattern called a “yod” showed us where we needed to change.

Photo by Caleb Ekeroth on Unsplash

My four-month emotional affair with a married man reflected our deepest problems back to us like a mirror, as all close relationships do.

What I didn’t realize at the time was, our natal charts were writing the same story, in an elegant cosmic shorthand.

In our case, that looked something like this:

I’ve been having the worst time over writing. Pieces I thought were brilliant failed to find an audience.

I can’t say I’ve never had an article go viral … but nothing ever seems to stick and translate into a real following. …


Advice from The Thinking Other Woman.

Photo by Shane on Unsplash

The question’s been floating around here lately: Should you tell your spouse you cheated?

So many people have different reasons for answering the way they do. I’ve heard not wanting to rip your spouse’s heart out as a reason to answer no.

People who answer in the negative bring up other concerns, such as the relationship never being the same, children finding out, or the looming specter of divorce. Financial ruin. Social ostracism.

Those who answer in the affirmative talk about the spouse’s right to know the truth.

As The Thinking Other Woman, I’m going to disagree with all these…

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