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I write (sometimes) about how childhood affects adult relationships, and politics. Mostly I just read. Student of psychology, astrology, and life.

My non-affair articles are in one easy-to-shop place now.

Articles are grouped by subject and easier to find than hunting them up here.


The married guy I loved and let go.

Photo by Sven Brandsma on Unsplash

People often wonder how I could split from my family.

My brother has bawled me out over this more than once.

I get it, I totally get it. From their point of view, you only make a mentally ill mother worse by running out on her. And I can see that — I can.

But, at some point, you have to consider your own needs.

I really didn’t have a family at all.

I started to understand this when I got brave enough to explain my real feelings about a career I felt stuck in. …


We’re really all in the same boat.

Photo by Ashwini Chaudhary on Unsplash

How many times have I heard it?

“We shouldn’t pay people who do unskilled jobs enough to live on.”

I haven’t heard many liberals make this case. Mostly this is a conservative viewpoint, and the arguments for it are few and repetitive.

“It’s just grunt work. It isn’t fair to people who work to ‘better themselves’ if somebody just doing a grunt work job makes as much as they do. These people are just too lazy to ‘better’ themselves!”

(An aside: How, exactly, do we define “better?” Another common way American society defines “better” is by body size, shape, and…


They’re just confused about why.

Photo by History in HD on Unsplash

Thanks to a couple of thoughtful articles on Medium, I have now finally understood why it is that “born-again” Christians are calling Trump “Biblical” and laying hands on him, sure that “God anointed him to be president.” (And I’m quite thankful for the great articles and writers on here, because this was one question that has had me stumped for quite some time.)

Basically, what they’re saying is that, even though Trump says a lot of idiotic things on the world stage, even though he’s clearly a narcissist, even though he implies that neo-Nazis are “decent people,” and even though…


Because I didn’t have any kids.

Photo by Chinh Le Duc on Unsplash

It’s been pointed out that I never address the issue of children in my many musings on affair-related issues. The truth is, I don’t feel at all qualified. (Some may say I should just shut my fat mouth because I am not qualified anyhow … in which case, only therapists should ever write about affairs. So, I’ll just slip that all in there to satisfy these people.)

And I will say something about children, because I never do. And that is a fair criticism.

Although I was unhappy enough by the age of four in my relationship with my own…


Turn that light bulb on, baby …

Photo by Júnior Ferreira on Unsplash

I went through an intense (and, mercifully, short) emotional affair situation several years ago.

The fallout from the affair was not so short, and not so merciful.

I found myself in extraordinary pain, and I undertook extraordinary measures to understand it. Basically, every source of affair-related information I could find, I read.

And I found out:

We affected by an affair, whether we’re the betrayer, the betrayed, or the accessory to the crime, tend to be some pretty self-focused folks.

We never even think of the following four-word phrase:

For Everyone’s Highest Good.

We all need to introduce ourselves to…


In less than two minutes.

Photo by RODOLFO BARRETO on Unsplash
  1. I have to do what I want, rather than what others want because I am afraid of losing love if I don’t do it. If that is how they feel, they really don’t love me anyway. I’m not really losing anything.
  2. Only be with someone if you genuinely love who they are and the relationship really does feel good to you. You will be taught some painful lessons anyway, because we’re not immortal … but, you know, everyone gets those lessons in grief and loss.
  3. Only choose to do something if you actually enjoy the nuts and the bolts of…


And I’m pretty sick of that line.

Photo by Michal Matlon on Unsplash

Twice now in the past two days, I, The Thinking Other Woman, have been told I shouldn’t post anymore to women who’ve been cheated on, because I am “abusing” them.

The latest person who said this informed me that I am “passive-aggressively attacking” women who’ve been cheated on.

I guess this person would be surprised to learn that this past week, I just got accused of the very same thing by those in the sex-positive adulterer’s community, as I told in Ohhhh, Sex — ! this weekend.

Now, how the hell can one person, with the very same message, be…


And why it’s important to know the difference.

Photo by Ivan Aleksic on Unsplash

I’m going to link the source material for this piece right up front, so people will know I’m not just making this all up.

Some people struggle a lot more with the pain of the discovery of an affair than other people. A whole, whole lot more.

There are folks who judge whether abuse was present in the marriage by how they themselves feel, and not by the actual behavior of the other person.

And it’s important that your decisions about your situation be dictated, not just by your feelings, but also by facts. …

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