Mmm-hmm.

Let me ask you guys this:

How many more hours of work each week does she have to do that no one else has to do? How many hours each week of housecleaning and child care are you IGNORING? How many hours each week are you taking for yourself while your wife is chasing after children, giving them baths, doing the playdates, the homework, the toilet training, picking up toys, running the vacuum, dusting, shopping and chopping and cooking the meals, cleaning up the kitchen, cleaning up the kitchen? Are there elderly parents in your life who need care? Who does all that? Who coordinates the doctor visits and the dentist visits? Who gets up in the night? Who takes care of your social life and buys all the gifts and sends all the cards and remembers all the birthday cakes, the cards, the presents?

Who do you think might be angry that you never, never, never, EVER think of A-N-Y of these things, yet expect them to somehow magically get done, even though she has a job, too?

And then you expect her to still look like a Playboy bunny. Perfect measurements, as if she were still eighteen, even though she’s had one or more children and it’s been twenty fucking years. Perfect hair, perfect face, perfect clothes, even though she spends hours and hours every week giving you free maid service and you don’t give a shit.

Then you bitch because, not only are you “owed” all this and a perfect physical appearance — she isn’t supposed to age a day! — but somehow, she doesn’t feel like sex every other night anymore. Oh, and despite all this constant, constant, constant, grunt, grunt grunt work nobody cares about and nobody appreciates, so that you and your children can have a comfortable, healthy, and happy home …

All you care about is looks. Size, shape, and weight. That’s all that matters.

Hmm. Could she perhaps feel resentment toward you? Wonder why?

Although, having said that: I believe all affairs begin in childhood. The therapist Mark Smith says that the reason marriages break down in midlife is neither person has the emotional health to have a fifty-year connected marriage. And I think it’s the truth.

If you are emotionally healthy enough, you have the empathy for one another to understand and help fairly with the workload of marriage, to work through differences instead of just subsiding into resentful silence, and to understand that part of being human is we all get old, and we all change, physically and mentally.